From Bisexual to Cool: My Sexual Orientation Journey and Path to Self-Acceptance

When I was younger, I dated both men and women and was defined as bisexual. This experience was an important journey for me to explore myself and understand my sexuality. However, when I eventually married my now-husband, people began to question my bisexuality. This was confusing and frustrating for me because, for me, my sexuality did not change just because I chose to spend the rest of my life with a man.

In the family I grew up in, I was always told that it was acceptable to be gay. So I never officially came out, I just brought my first girlfriend home one day. Of course, this came as a bit of a surprise to my family because they knew that I was also interested in boys as a teenager. But the surprise soon wore off and I continued to date men and women throughout my youth.

However, in 2014, I met my husband who immediately accepted my bisexual identity. I felt very content because I could express my sexuality while maintaining a comfortable relationship. However, when I decided to marry him, people on the outside started questioning my bisexual identity.

I vividly remember the first time I was told I didn't belong to the Cool Kids community. I played rugby and that intersected with the cool kids community. A few years ago, on the sidelines of a game, my teammates were trying to guess who was gay. I'll never forget their reaction when I told them I was bisexual. They said I didn't count because I chose a side, meaning my husband.

This reaction from the cool crowd made me feel like I didn't belong in the LGBTQ+ community. I carried that burden for a long time. When people ask me if I still need to tell people I'm bisexual, I get confused because I'm married.

Then I decided to come out as a cool kid. My husband has been very supportive of me expressing my coolness. I didn't become heterosexual when I decided to marry him, just like I wouldn't have become lesbian if I had married a woman. Bisexuality is not a phase, it doesn't end when you choose a life partner.

I got tired of trying to define and defend who I was attracted to and why. I started using the word "cool" and felt that it better represented me. Under the umbrella of cool, my sexuality was free to change and grow. The word "cool" doesn't need to be explained or questioned.

As a cool kid, I feel like I'm finally free to exist. Even though I'm still struggling to accept who I am, I know there's no such thing as "not weird enough". I understand why people around me might think I'm "unimportant" because I'm in a heterosexual relationship. But I'm still gay, I always have been, and I always will be. Whether I'm married or single, that won't change. I will always be me.