Dear Amy: A Mother's Struggle and Growth in the Face of Her Son's Queer Identity

In today's society, there is an increasing diversity of family structures and values, yet accepting this diversity remains a challenge for some families. Recently, a reader named "No Proud Mom" turned to renowned columnist Amy Dickinson for advice, and her story and confusion mirrors the reality many families face.

In her letter, "No Proud Mom" mentions that her son, Jack, came out to her five years ago, revealing that he was gay. While the news didn't shock her, it saddened her because she had hoped that Jack would lead a more traditional life, including marriage and children. Nevertheless, she told Jack that she accepted him.

Recently, Jack told his mother that he had been dating his boyfriend Samuel for six months and asked if he could bring Samuel home for a family event. This confused and upset "No Proud Mom," who was uncomfortable seeing her son dancing and expressing intimacy with another man.

In the letter, she also mentions her disappointment in Jack's father and her concerns about sexually transmitted diseases and violence in the gay community. She tries to play an accepting role at family gatherings, but feels awkward and unsure how to discuss the topic with her family.

Amy's response offered a compassionate and understanding perspective. She suggested that instead of seeing her son's sexuality as a problem, "no proud moms" should see it as part of Jack's identity, and that Jack's choice to bring his boyfriend home is an expression of traditional family values. Amy also pointed out that sexually transmitted diseases and violent behavior are problems for all sexually active adults, not just the gay community.

Amy recommends that No Proud Mom spend more time with Jack and Samuel and try to be a more supportive mom. She also recommends PFLAG.org, a support organization for parents and family members to help them learn more about sex, address fears, and learn from other parents.

This letter and Amy's response highlight an important reality: many families continue to face challenges in accepting and understanding the sexual orientation and identity of their family members. By having open conversations and seeking support, families can learn how to better accept and embrace each other's differences, thereby creating a more inclusive and supportive family environment.