Exploring Identity Interweaving: a Bisexual Woman's Path to Coexistence with Borderline Personality Disorder

A few weeks ago, I stumbled across a study on the Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) population in the LGBTQIA+ community. It really made me stop and think because even though I'm a bisexual woman and have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder for years, I've never really made the connection between these two aspects of my identity. However, as I read this study and thought about my life, I realized that these two aspects of my identity overlap in the most painful way.

As a bisexual woman, it is inevitable that I will be rejected and ridiculed in my life. People have distanced themselves from me after learning of my sexuality, while others have simply denied the validity of bisexuality. I've received emails filled with "fire and brimstone" religious nonsense and social media comments about my "lifestyle choices". I even lost friends from college for ten years after I decided to "officially come out" in my twenties.

The same thing happened with my borderline personality diagnosis - people either fled because of the collateral stigma or questioned the validity of my treatment team's assessment. Complete strangers on the internet said I was better off dead and used words like 'monster' and 'evil' to describe me. Even friends I met who also suffered from mental health issues weaponized my diagnosis or used it as an excuse to belittle me years after my recovery.

As you can imagine, this treatment of multiple aspects of my identity only exacerbated my acute fear of abandonment, my unstable sense of self, and my suicidal ideation. There were times when I wished I could simply "choose to be straight" or "stop being marginalized," but of course, it's impossible to simply throw myself away like a pair of old socks.

For better or worse, neither part of my identity is something I choose to put up with, which means I can't throw them away. (Believe me, I tried.)

However, in true Marsha Linehan fashion, I don't think that having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and being part of the LGBTQIA+ community is a bad thing at all. In fact, I think that for all the pain and problems these aspects of myself have caused, they have also brought a lot of light into my life.

For example, I think both of these "labels" have helped me connect with people who have truly enriched my life. Because people with Borderline Personality Disorder face a lot of judgment and ridicule, they often find ways to band together, form a community, and care for each other. I've seen this happen on social media platforms and in BPD Safe Zone groups. The same thing happens in the LGBTQIA+ community, such as the local lesbian bar that my partner and I frequent. For all the rejection and abandonment I've faced, I've also counteracted it in these amazing safe spaces.

I've also found that embracing this aspect of myself has ultimately helped me to live a more authentic and fulfilling life. For so long, I felt the need to hide who I was, but it was mentally exhausting and the cognitive dissonance led to severe emotional distress. Now that I've learned to accept myself completely, I feel more relaxed and happy than ever before, and it's been an amazing experience.

You may not fit into either of the neighborhoods I've mentioned, but I think many of us have experienced the dichotomy of "good vs. bad" or "dark vs. light" in many aspects of our identity. While it can be painful and troubling at times, I also think that embracing ourselves can ultimately bring us happiness - but you have to be willing to show up day in and day out. Because, as Brené Brown says, "You're imperfect, you were born with the desire to struggle, but you deserve love and a sense of belonging ......" even if you're a cool kid with BPD, like me.